How to Cope With Traumatic Anniversary Events & Restore Balance

By Caryn Gehlmann, Clinical Aromatherapist

Some months, like February, are full of hearts, love, and romantic memories. It inspired us to create the Happy Heart Blend! As special anniversary events (births, weddings, special occasions) roll around, we remember the joys in our lives. But what if something robs us of that joy? Traumatic anniversary events like the loss of a loved one or a relationship breakup can make these calendar dates a source of grief. Love and grief are so intertwined.

Does your body remember the anniversary of traumatic events, even when you don’t? Yes, even years later, our bodies remember and we may become unconsciously sad or angry as the traumatic anniversary approaches. Psychologists call this the Anniversary Effect. Reactions seemingly come from out of the blue — you may not even be aware that there’s a connection between your distress and the anniversary of your traumatic event.

But aromatherapy can help!

How to Restore a Sense of Balance When Grieving

Although traumatic anniversary reactions may be hard to face, clinical psychologist Mary-Frances O’Connor says we shouldn’t shut out these days or try to hide our feelings. “Grief is a universal experience,” she notes, “and when we can connect, it is better.”

Many people find strength in creating a routine commemorating the day, says Laura Murray, PhD, MA, a senior scientist in Mental Health and a clinical psychologist. On the anniversary of a loved one’s death, for example, “they might take the day off work, go out to lunch, visit the person’s grave, or attend a faith ceremony.” She says that acknowledging and normalizing that type of response is something anyone can do.

Once the event passes, we can consciously start resetting our reactions and restoring our balance. Aromatherapy can help us connect with our memories differently, attaching a new perspective to them. We can slowly reset the memory to a more pleasant time.

Scent is closely tied to memory and emotion. For example, using an essential oil that reminds you of a loved one or a comforting time can create a sense of closeness or help evoke positive memories during moments of sadness.

How to use aromatherapy to work through traumatic anniversary events

Our friend Joni Keim wrote a beautiful article on using essential oils for grieving. We love her suggestions:

Mist your essential oil or blend over your heart, hands, and top of your head while holding the intention of the blend. You can choose to repeat an affirmation while misting, such as “My heart is healing from my loss.” Or “I am ready to begin healing from my loss.” If using a roll-on, anoint your heart, hands, and the top of your head. You can use a visualization such as seeing yourself healing from your loss and on the road to feeling joy again.

What essential oils are good for this?

Blue tansy essential oil is exceptional for dealing with a broken heart and grief. Its unique properties make it supportive during times of emotional distress. Here’s how it can help:

1. Soothing Emotional Turmoil — Blue tansy has a way of soothing intense emotions, helping to ease feelings of sadness, heartbreak, and overwhelm. It works by calming the nervous system, reducing anxiety, and promoting a sense of peace and comfort.

2. Releasing Emotional Blockages — Grief can sometimes feel “stuck” in your body. Blue tansy encourages emotional release and helps you process complex emotions, making it easier to express feelings and let go of pain.

3. Instilling Hope and Resilience — The uplifting qualities of blue tansy help shift your perspective, reminding you that joy and hope are still possible even amidst pain — so important when you create a comforting ritual to ground and support you.

4. Promoting Relaxation — Grief can make sleep difficult, and blue tansy’s sedative properties help calm the mind and prepare the body for rest. It’s particularly effective when blended with oils like Lavender or Roman Chamomile to promote restorative sleep.

We’ve created a wonderful blend —  Courageous — that has Blue Tansy in it and is so supportive. Alternative blends to try are Grace, Rebalance, and Solace. Or if you’d like to make a soothing blend try this recipe:

Soothe Your Heart-ache Blend

• 3 drops Blue Tansy (calming and soothing)
• 6 drops Bergamot FCF  (uplifting and energizing)
• 5 drops Frankincense (grounding and centering)
• 2 drops Rose (loving and comforting)

Fill the rest of the roller bottle with a carrier oil like fractionated coconut oil, jojoba oil, or sweet almond oil. Or use a spritzer bottle and fill it with distilled water instead of carrier oil.
Use Joni’s suggestions above to create supportive affirmations and comforting rituals.

Note: Adjust Based on Your Preferences

• If you want a stronger uplifting effect, add an extra drop of Bergamot.
• If you’re seeking more grounding, increase Frankincense by 1 drop.
• For a stronger floral/loving touch, you can increase Rose to 2 drops in the diffuser but note that rose oil is very potent.

While Blue Tansy won’t erase grief or heartache, it can create a comforting environment that supports your emotional healing. Its essence reminds us to embrace tenderness toward ourselves and to trust that we can move forward with resilience and hope.

Do you want to deepen your understanding of scent and explore the world of aromatherapy? Download our free guide, Listen to Your Nose: An Introduction to Aromatherapy. And if you’ve enjoyed this post, please share it with your friends on social media.